Poopfest.

My cousin Goan and I went on a movie date yesterday (we watched Thor & Hangover II) and all we got was this stupid picture. Lolno, I know we're cute. =P

Anyway, one of the previews that was shown was Twilight's fourth installment to its horrific saga, Breaking Dawn. So, okay, I've read the books, and honestly, have loved it ... until that smegma of an author released the last one.

If you don't have any idea on what happened, or more accurately, DIDN'T happen in that last book, then let me let one of my favorite bloggers break it dawn for you:

I mean, Edward and Bella get married, they spend like 15 chapters having destructive, nearly-fatal sex. Then by some bullshit reason of 100-year-old sperm being frozen inside Edward’s cold, vampire body… he impregnates his human wife. And this anomaly of a child turns out to be eating its mother alive. 

Then somewhere between then and carrying that monster baby to term, Bella becomes this perfect vampire chick that can control her blood urges, that always-shirtless werewolf guy falls in love with her baby (which they proceed to give an unpronounceable name) and an army of boss vampires wants to kill it with fire because kid vampires are not allowed.

So they build up this epic battle throughout the whole book but IT NEVER HAPPENS because, like I said, Bella is this perfect vampire chick and her powers trump everyone else’s. But nobody REALLY cares about that anyway. All the readership cares about is the destructive, nearly-fatal sex.

So why does it have to have two movies? WHY??? It’s not like it’s anywhere near the league of Harry Potter which actually has an INTELLIGENT plot. Will part one be Breaking Dawn: Vampire Sex and part two Breaking Dawn: Labor and Delivery? WHY DON’T THEY JUST MAKE A PORNO OUT OF IT???

Edward and Bella smashing furniture, fucking each other into oblivion for the titillation of the sad moms and Bieber-loving preteens of the world. That way it can go straight to DVD.

 scrapbooking